


To the heart

by starlightoffandoms (destinyofdreams)



Series: Follower Fics [11]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Asexual Dean Winchester, Asexuality Spectrum, Bullying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fights, Friendship/Love, Giveaway fic, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mary Lives, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mental Institutions, Mild Language, Self-Defense, Self-Harm, Supportive Mary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-06
Updated: 2016-07-06
Packaged: 2018-07-21 23:51:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7410085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destinyofdreams/pseuds/starlightoffandoms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean has dealt with being different for quite sometime and it hasn't gotten easier. Through his struggles his mother was always there for him.</p><p>Request: Mary and Dean hurt/comfort</p>
            </blockquote>





	To the heart

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: please read tags before proceeding. 
> 
> Disclaimer: all anxiety is based on my personal experiences and I am NO way saying all anxiety manifests the same. I am on the spectrum but not typical asexual so that lends itself to how Dean is represented. I am NOT a medical professional.
> 
> b/c of the numerous tags this will not be posted directly on tumblr. I don't want people to not read the tags at the bottom and end up in a not so great situation.

_Dean ran through the rain and made it all the way to the tree house before the tears started. He threw his backpack in the corner and pulled his knees to his chest. He choked the sobs down as best he could. Dean wasn’t sure how long he was up there. By time he regained his consciousness of time the street lights were on._

_“Oh shit,” he grabbed his bag and climbed down as fast as he could._

_The cold rain pelted Dean as he rushed through the backyards of his neighbors. His face stung as the rain hit his warm cheeks. He jumped over the last fence and snuck through the garage door. Dean kicked off his shoes and rang as much water as he could from his hair. He slipped his backpack from his shoulders and pulled his soaked shirt from his body and tossed in the corner. He pulled a shirt from the basket and slipped it on. He slung his backpack back on and headed in the house._

_“You’re late son,” John said from his spot at the table._

_“Yeah I was trying to wait out the rain. Once I saw it wasn’t gonna let up I made a run for it. Mr. Speight saw me and gave me a ride home,” he ran a hand through his damp hair._

_“Hm. Speight they’re related to Castiel’s family right?”_

_“Yeah,” Dean didn’t meet his father’s eyes as he dropped his bag by the couch._

_“Okay. Dinner will be ready in an hour,” John continued to snap beans and paid little mind to Dean._

_“Mom home?”_

_“She’ll be back in a bit. Sammy had a play date and she went to pick him up.”_

_“Good for him getting out. I’m gonna change and will be down in a few to help.”_

_“Okay.”_

_After homework and dinner Dean retired to his room. It was only a few minutes before his mother knocked on the door._

_“Come in.”_

_“So I heard from Charlie Bradbury’s mom that there was an altercation today at school,” Mary shut the door behind her and took a seat on the edge of Dean’s bed._

_Dean rolled over and pressed his face into the pillow._

_“Maybe,” was mumbled in the pillow._

_“Dean,” Mary rubbed a hand along his back, “you need to talk to me.”_

_“Mooom,” Dean turned his head to face the wall and kept his arms around the pillow._

_“You’re almost 18. You can’t keep getting into these fights.”_

_“It ain’t my fault. Ward started it and I finished it.”_

_“What was it about this time?” Mary ran her fingers through his hair._

_“You know.”_

_“And have you talked to the counselor? Or the vice principal like you were advised?”_

_“What are they gonna do mom? Huh?” Dean buried his face in the pillow again._

_“Baby,” Mary sighed and rubbed his back._

 

 

**Seven years later…**

“I’m here to pick up Dean Winchester,” Mary stood at the front desk of the police station.

The clerk went to pull him up in the system but was brushed aside by the sheriff.

“Hey Mary,” Jody gave her a soft smile, “I’ll go get him,” she handed her the clipboard with the paperwork to fill out for release.

“Thanks,” Mary sat down and filled out the paperwork she’d become all too familiar with.

A few minutes later Dean appeared with Jody on his heels.

“I feel like a broken record. I don’t want to see you again Dean. I can’t keep brushing this off,” Jody whispered, “you should be in lockup for the week but I know that you’re a good boy. Now be good for you mom. Remember next time I will have to file full paperwork and that will go on your record. Who do you think is going to want to hire you with a record?”

“Yes ma’am,” Dean nodded and pulled his coat tighter around him.

Mary stood and handed Jody the forms, “thanks for everything Jody.”

“No problem. You stop worrying your momma so much young man.”

Dean nodded and followed his mom out.

“Baby,” Mary touched his bruised cheek bone once they were in the car, “wh-who did this to you?”

“No one. I fell,” Dean pulled from her.

“Dean you know I’m not an idiot so don’t treat me like one,” Mary turned the key as she let Dean keep to himself, “I know you’ve been missing appointments with Dr. Crowley. He’s called three times. We’re worried about you. Everyone’s told me you’re wearing long sleeves again. Please let us help.”

“I’m fine.”

“And I’m the queen of England,” Mary rolled her eyes as she headed home.

“I get good grades and I don’t do drugs.”

“Maybe a little marijuana wouldn’t hurt about now,” Mary glanced over at him.

“Mooom,” Dean shook his head.

“You’re not broken. Remember that. You’re as normal as normal can be. There’s nothing you need to change about yourself.”

“You’re not Dr. Crowley. You don’t have to talk to me like that.”

“Twenty-five or five I don’t care. You’re still my son and I’m always going to tell you the truth. I don’t give a flying fuck what someone else says. Next time you call me to the bar and I’ll show them a thing or two.”

Dean couldn’t help but giggle at the thought of his mom in a bar fight. He let a long sigh out and glanced at his mom.

“It wasn’t a bar fight this time. It was at school. Someone that dumped me awhile back ran their mouth. So now I’m a freak all over again. I thought college was going to be different.”

“It’s your last year. You just have to make it a few more months. You’re welcome to stay with us even after. That’s why we got the new house remember?”

“I can’t stay in the house when Sam is going to be leaving!” Dean let his head drop against the head rest.

“You can and you will if I think it’s best for you. I’m your mother and mother knows best.”

“Yes mom.”

“I made a pie for dessert so you better be good or I’ll keep it from you.”

Dean nodded and stared out the window.

When they pulled up in front the house Dean tensed. There was an unfamiliar car in front the house. A Tesla. He’d never seen one in person. He narrowed his eyes and turned to his mom.

“You didn’t say we had a visitor.”

“Because we don’t,” she smirked, “my other son is here.”

“What?” Dean grabbed her arm before she could get out of the car, “please tell me you’re joking.”

“I haven’t seen Cas in a  long time. I couldn’t pass up a visit,” Mary’s smile grew.

“But moooom,” he replied through clinched teeth, “it’s Caaas,” he whispered.

“It sure is. Now come on. They’ve seen us by now.”

Dean let her go but his eyes were still wide. He hadn’t seen Castiel since they had graduated. Castiel’s parents had whisked them across the country that very night. They had stayed in touch for the first two years then it just seemed like too much work. Every now and again they sent texts and they always liked things on each other’s Facebooks, but nothing beyond that. Castiel was the first person that Dean had told he was asexual. Castiel hadn’t judged and just shrugged it off. Their relationship hadn’t changed like Dean had anticipated. Castiel had been everything a best friend was supposed to be.

Dean took a few deep breaths then got out of the car and followed his mom inside.

“I’m gonna run and take a quick shower,” Dean rushed up the front stairs to his room.

Dean locked the door behind him and leaned against it. His chest grew tight and his hearing became fogged. His mouth went dry and he tried to take in deep breaths. He slumped against the door and wrapped his arms around his knees. He took his time and counted breaths and regained focus.

Dean wasn’t sure how long he had been there but no one had come to bother him. He stood and stripped quickly out of his clothes. When John and Mary renovated the house before they moved in they had added a suite to the back for Dean. It even had its own entrance and a small kitchenette. Dean didn’t have to leave the room is he didn’t want to.

Dean washed slowly and took in the pink lines that were scattered across his thighs and arms. He tucked his lips and tried to ignore them. Some were a week old and he hadn’t touched a razor since. He wanted to at that moment but turned off the hot water instead. He finished his cold shower with chattering teeth.

Once dressed in jeans and a long sleeved burgundy Henley Dean headed to meet the family. He ran his fingers through his damp hair as he stepped into the den where everyone was gathered. He slid into the free recliner furthest away from everyone.

“Hey Dean,” Castiel lifted his drink as way of hello.

Dean nodded and gave his old friend half a smile.

The others continued their conversations.

Dean watched as Sam leaned into Anabella. They had been together for three years. Sam did well by her always. They were the perfect couple as far as Dean was concerned.  Once each conversation reached a lull they all turned to Dean.

“Cas will be staying with us for a few of weeks while he’s in town. I figured it would save on money and he’d be close to family. That okay?” John watched Dean carefully.

“Y-yeah of course,” Dean smiled softly, “it’ll be good. We can catch up.”

“Good. I’ll go get my things from the car,” Castiel put his glass down and stood.

“I’ll help,” Dean jumped up quickly.

Castiel waited for Dean by the door as he slipped on his shoes. They made eye contact briefly and Dean smiled. Castiel smiled all gums and teeth.

Dean felt the tension leave from him. Castiel was always his safe place.

“Mary told me you spent the night with Jody,” Castiel walked a step behind Dean.

“Yeah.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“Nope.”

“You probably should.”

“You’re not my mom so I don’t have to listen to you.”

“But I am a friend and you’ve always talked to me,” Castiel pulled his keys from his pocket.

“Yeah. But we’re barely more than Facebook buddies right now,” Dean opened the trunk and grabbed the two big bags.

“But we could be more,” Castiel let the words hold the weight he knew that Dean might run from.

“Which room did she clean out for you?”

“At the end of your hall,” Castiel sighed and grabbed the duffel bag that was left.

“Why do you have so much? It’s just a couple of weeks.”

“Here it’s just a few weeks. I’m moving back. I got a job here. I’ll be working in the observatory.”

Dean stopped and almost dropped the bags, “y-you’re going to be back in town?”

“Yeah,” Castiel gave him a crooked smile and patted him on the back, “which sounds like it might be a good thing. Especially looking at the side of your face.”

“I don’t need a babysitter.”

“Nope you just need somewhere you can go when the jerks are getting to you and you don’t want to be at home,” Castiel waited for Dean to stop before he stepped around him to open the door.

“Hmm,” Dean went straight to the stairs and to the door at the front of the hall.

The room was the only other one on the side where Dean stayed. There was a hallway and the back stairs that separated the other side of the upstairs. Dean pushed the door open and was surprised he hadn’t noticed his mom cleaning it up. It was spotless and aired out. He smiled at the thought of Mary singing and dancing while she changed the sheets, vacuumed, dusted, and brought in a dresser.

“Oh wow. She went all out. I really figure a cot and some towels,” Castiel waited for Dean to move in and put the bags down before he entered.

“You know mom. You’re her third kid,” Dean laughed.

Once Dean realized he’d laughed he was more than glad that Castiel was there. He walked back to the door and shut it. Dean sat on the bed with his back against the headboard.

“Gordon told everyone that I was a sexless monster in my Calculus class. Straight up just said it while we were at lunch. It was like high school all over again. Some of the guys are in my Physics class too. When I got in yesterday there was a Ken doll naked on the desk I usually sit at. I choose to sit somewhere else,” Dean closed his eyes and swallowed hard, “they threw it at me and started calling me names. Like I’m a damn monster,” his tone dropped as his temper rose, “by time the professor got in there we were fighting. Luckily some of the other students let him know I didn’t start it. I’ll be doing everything but labs from home now. Ya know for my safety. Like I did something wrong,” he all but shouted the last sentence as he roughly wiped the tears away.

“Those fucking jerks,” Castiel eased on the bed and pulled Dean into his arms.

“I-I-I just wanted to finish school. N-now I’m stuck taking classes from home because I’m different. I d-don’t want to be different anymore.”

Castiel balled his lips in and took a deep breath as he comforted his friend. He rocked Dean until the sobbing ceased. Castiel maneuvered them to lay next to one another. He never let go of Dean.

Dean woke too warm and comfortably snuggled against someone. He let the familiar scent of citrus and sandalwood calm him and he drifted back to sleep.

When Dean woke again he was still curled up in Castiel. He hummed as Castiel ran his fingers through his hair. Dean smiled softly and nuzzled in.

“Mary said dinner would be ready in thirty minutes if you wanted to shower first.”

“I’m fine. When did you start callin’ her Mary?” Dean teased.

“Last year I think. She met me for lunch while she was in Virginia meeting with your grandparents.”

“You saw mom last year?” Dean lifted his head just enough to meet his eyes.

“Yeah. I was in DC and it wasn’t that far of a drive to Richmond. We had lunch. I’m surprised she hadn’t told you,” Castiel twisted his fingers in Dean’s hair.

“You’re hard,” Dean called attention to the tent in Castiel’s slacks.

Castiel chuckled, “it’s been quite some time since I’ve had a warm body this close while on a bed. It’s only natural that I get a little aroused.”

“Hm,” Dean tried to turn his attention away.

“Don’t think on it Dean.”

Dean looked down at himself. He bit his lip and tried to focus on the idea of Castiel enjoying his body pressed to his. Not even a little twitch.

Castiel kissed his hair and moved to get up, “I need to use the restroom.”

“Yeah okay.”

“You’re fine. You’re normal and you’re loved.”

Dean sat up to let Castiel get off the bed. He closed his eyes and stretched while Castiel padded out the door and down the hall to the bathroom. Dean got up and immediately began to put Castiel’s clothes in the dresser and hung up the suits and shirts.

“Thanks. You knew I’d just live out my suitcases,” Castiel smiled and held out his hand to Dean, “I’m starving and can’t wait for your mom’s pasta.”

Dinner went off without a hitch. Sam and Anabella kept the conversations going and away from Dean’s appearance or night in jail. John even let talk about his failing to learn a language that they both spoke fluently. John never let something go over so easily. Castiel cleared the table while Mary served coffee and cake. Mary let Dean have his pie and no one else was allowed any. Dean smiled and accepted his huge slice of Dutch apple pie and glass of milk.

Dean was happy as he settled into his room. He sucked air through his teeth when he realized he had forgotten to take his pills. He went to his mini fridge to get something to drink and cursed when it was empty. He had meant to go shopping that morning. He sighed and headed back downstairs. Dean paused as he heard voices in the kitchen.

“A friggin grown man.”

“John you better watch that tone,” Mary replied and Dean could mentally picture her crossing her arms and scowling at his dad.

“You treat him like a kid Mary. He got in another fight. Jody can’t keep this off the books each time. It’s gonna catch up with him.”

“You damn well know that it wasn’t his fault.”

“Dean informed me that Gordon turned his classmates against him,” Castiel chimed in, “Dean isn’t at fault. It was self-defense. He doesn’t need to be institutionalized John. The moment you bring that shit up he will bolt.”

“He needs help!”

“Why?” Mary and Castiel asked simultaneously.

“H-he ain’t right,” a chair scraped and John grunted.

Dean assumed he’d flopped down in the chair. Dean swallowed and leaned against the wall.

“Is this like the time you recommended he go to conversion camp?” Castiel’s voice was laced with anger, “he and I ran away so you wouldn’t make a dumbass decision. Don’t think I won’t take him with me. He’s human. He’s taken the time to figure out who he is and people need to respect that.”

“You’re his father for fucks sake!” Mary hissed, “you will _not_ treat our son that way. He’s fine and as normal as that word can mean.”

“And how many pills does he take to accomplish that?” John spat out.

Dean winced when the sound of an extremely hard slap echoed.

“Johnathan Winchester. I will not tolerate that kind of talk in my house. Or have you forgotten who owns this place? Our son is just like everyone else. Mental health and sexual orientation have nothing to do with being abnormal. I think you need to go visit Henry for a while.”

“I agree. Dean doesn’t need you here if you’re going to maintain that attitude. He just lost a huge part of his life. He’s being forced to learn here rather than in an environment with his peers. You know how much that has to hurt him,” Castiel’s voice was closer.

Dean shuffled away a little.

“And I’m just supposed to ignore the fact that he’s bruised up and could have a record because he’s different?”

“Jesus! John you’re an imbecile. How has Mary stayed with you this long? Did you learn nothing from when we were in high school? Dean needs a good support network. My moving back was timed perfectly and I’m here to be his friend support but you have to be his family support. We need to work as a unit. And no walking on eggshells around him. If you have questions, ask him. He’s human. I’m going to bed because it was a long drive. I hope tomorrow brings a better attitude for you,” Castiel ended his side of the conversation and headed toward Dean.

Dean slid across the floor in his socks to the half bathroom and waited until he heard Castiel on the landing. He took a deep breath and headed to the kitchen.

“Hey Dean. What do you need sweetie?” Mary gave him a tight smile. 

“I didn’t get a chance to shop this morning. I just need some water to take my pills,” Dean didn’t pull his gaze from the floor.

“Take what you need. Make sure to put another ice pack on your face too. I ordered some of the ointment I used after the car accident for you too to help the healing. Amazon said it’ll be here tomorrow,” Mary kissed his unbruised cheek, “I’m heading to bed. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Thanks mom,” Dean smiled and ducked his head.

“Sleep well son,” John said as he pushed away from the counter and headed up stairs.

Dean nodded and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and an ice pack. He flipped off the lights and headed to his room.

Was he broken? He tossed the pills back and took a long gulp of water.

“I’m not broken. I’m loved.”

Dean wrapped the ice pack in a hand towel and crawled into bed.

>>>><<<< 

Dean felt Castiel’s eyes on him while Mary rocked him in her arms on the floor of the full bathroom downstairs. He could feel the blood as it began to clot and dry against his skin. Sob after sob rattled through him. Everything felt numb. The stickiness of the blood and the whispers from Mary were the only things that were alive to Dean.

Dean had heard Castiel call the paramedics so he knew this would be on record and Dr. Crowley would find out. Months he had drawn new razor after new razor across his skin. He’d never cut too deep. He hadn’t wanted his mother to find him. It happened all the same. Dean gasped for air as he cried and hiccupped.

“Momma has you baby.”

“They’ll be here in about ten minutes,” Castiel said from the doorway.

“Thanks Cas. I’ve wrapped the deepest ones. He’s going to be okay,” Mary replied more to herself than anyone else.

Dean’s mind rushed like channel surfing without stopping then it was white noise and static. He drifted. His breaths were too harsh. He had to slow them. Had to. Had to count them. Had to not be tacky and wet. Had to let the noise in. His mind was too crowded. He needed the white emptiness. Needed it.

 

When Dean woke he was cold and hot. There was an annoying repetitive beep and his wrists were bound. It all rushed back to him.

_Dean walked into Physics lab and took his seat at his newly assigned table. A ball of paper hit him in the head. He narrowed his eyes and turned around._

_“So immature you ass,” Dean rolled his eyes and turned back around._

_“You got Alastair and Uriel suspended for the rest of the semester you bitch,” Raphael sneered._

_“Hey I didn’t frigging start that shit. I have to take classes from home now because of those jerks. I ain’t gonna feel sorry for them.”_

_“Gordon was right. You’re a fuckin’ bitch ass freak. You should just go throw yourself off a bridge. It’s not like anyone is going to want you. No one loves you and no one ever will.”_

_“Hey! Leave him alone,” Meg shot back._

_“Why’re always such an arse?” Bela spat as she took her seat next to Dean, “don’t let him get to you darling.”_

_Dean nodded and flipped open his book._

_“Oh look at you. Can’t even stand up for yourself. Ladies I wouldn’t get too excited. Winchester is broken. He can’t get it up so you can stop riding his dick.”_

_“That just means he’s better at oral sex you idiot. I like a man that knows how to eat pussy,” Meg grinned._

_“All of you are fuckin’ freaks.”_

_Dean heard Raphael’s word repeated over and over again as he made it through the rest of his day. It didn’t stop. His bathroom was being worked on because the plumbing had gone out in the tub. He went to his room and dropped his backpack on the bed. He made sure the door was shut before he got down on the floor. He found the almost hidden notch and pulled the loose board up. He reached and pulled out his small first aid kit. He checked to make sure the new razors were in there before he closed it and headed out. He grabbed a towel and lounge pants to add to the illusion. Dean tucked the first aid kit between the folds of the towel._

_“Don’t be too long okay? We’re meeting Sam and Anabella at the steak house to celebrate the baby,” Mary smiled cheerfully._

_“I’ll be quick.”_

_Dean locked himself in the bathroom and pulled out a razor. He sat it on the edge of the tub then stripped down. He let the water run while he took the safety plastic off the blade. Dean inhaled as the razor moved smoothly across his thigh. On the fifth pass he knew it was off._

_“Fuck.”_

_He was too deep in the euphoric icy silence to move, but he slid it across his arm to make sure it matched his thigh. Too much blood. It shouldn’t puddle. Too much._

_“MOM!”_

Dean closed his eyes and look a deep breath. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Exhale. He repeated it until the sizzle drained from his ears. The sounds of the hospital flooded in. Dean pushed the button to raise the bed up to sit a little higher on the controller in his hand. His eyes went wide.

Castiel and Mary were sleep in chairs across the room from him. Dean couldn’t do much else than hit the call button from how he was secured to the bed. As far as he knew he could be in isolation. He knew they’d see it a suicide attempt even though it wasn’t.

“Well hello there Mr. Winchester. So good of you to join us. I’m Nurse Hannah,” Hannah checked his vitals, “I cannot tell you how excited I am to see your lovely green eyes. You gave us quite a scare. Sorry for the ugly arm wear. We have to be a bit precautious. How are you feeling?” Hannah grabbed his chart and pulled out her pen.

“Better than expected to be honest,” Dean cleared his throat.

“Here,” she sat the chart down and held a cup with a straw up for him to take a sip, “your boyfriend has filled this cup every few hours thinking you’d need it. He’s a good guy.”

“Thanks,” Dean responded after he drained the cup, “Cas is great,” he didn’t bother to correct her since it was something he enjoyed hearing.

Twitch.

“Are you okay?” Hannah watched him closely and picked his chart back up.

Dean let the thought of sex with Castiel cross his mind. Nothing. He sighed.

“I’m fine. Just tired. Though I’m sure I slept a long time.”

“16 hours on your own. Then Dr. Crowley thought it best to keep you sleep to make sure you rested so we gave you a sedative. A total of 26 hours. You’ll feel groggy for an hour or so.”

“Okay. Have they been here the whole time?” Dean looked over to his family.

“Yup. Neither have left your side longer than going to the restroom or grabbing food. Is there anything you want to say before I get into the questions?”

“I’m about a grumpy smiley face on the chart, I’ve been cutting for over a year, I’ve never tried to kill myself and this wasn’t an attempt to, and I have passive ideation.”

“Thank you. That is some of what I intended to ask. Would you like to talk about the fading bruises? I was told there was a quarrel of some sort a week or so ago.”

Dean tucked his lips and closed his eyes. Too many images. Too many memories. Too much. He took several deep breaths before he looked back at Hannah who had taken a seat.

“I’m asexual and apparently that means I’m an oddity and unusual. Ya know, not normal.”

“Normal is relative. Am I to take it that your orientation was the root cause of an altercation?”

“Yeah,” Dean licked his lips and looked down at his bound hands.

“Did this lead toward you cutting yourself more often?”

“Yes.”

“Do you see this as a problem?” Hannah glanced up from the chart to meet his eyes.

“No.”

“Why do you cut yourself?”

“The same reason my hair is candy apple red, control.”

“You understand that cutting isn’t a very good problem solving resolution correct?”

“I’ve been told that. We’re working on thought logs and processing information. We’re working with cognitive thinking exercises. I’m growing and learning and processing and getting better. It’s just been slower than we anticipated,” Dean closed his eyes.

“When you say ‘we’ who are you referring to?”

“Dr. Crowley plus me and my mom.”

“Very good. Your mom is someone that you count on?” Hannah continued to scribble away on his chart.

“Yeah. My mom is always there. Even when I wanted to drop out of high school because of the bullying she was right there fighting with me,” Dean chuckled, “she punched another mom at a bake sale once.”

“Excuse me?” Hannah looked up.

“Yeah. This boy, Trent I think, had started calling me names and teasing me because I’d never had a girlfriend. His mom did nothing. When Trent shoved me his mom just looked the other way. My mom told her she needed to do something. Of course his mom mouthed off at her about minding her business. My mom was _pissed_. She knew that she couldn’t hit Trent so she stormed along the football sidelines where everything was and punched her in the face. Trent’s dad chose that moment to come back with another batch of lemonade and sees this. He gets so mad then my dad told him what happen. He turned to his wife that was on the ground and goes, ‘well Maggie I guess you learned a lesson. Now I won’t have to tell you about reinforcing my rules with Trent’,” Dean smiled at the memory.

“How did that make you feel?”

“Mom is my hero,” Dean smiled, “she’s always been there and even stands up for me when I’m not around. I know I’m twenty-five but I’m still a momma’s boy and proud. If it wasn’t for her I would have let,” he stopped when he saw movement.

“You would have let what?” Hannah urged him forward.

“Dean?” Mary wiped her eyes and stretched.

“Can we finish this later?” Dean mumbled.

“Yes. Let’s take a look at your vitals again then I’ll get the doctor,” she flipped the chart back to the front page.

“You look so much better honey,” Mary walked to the free side of the bed while Hannah jotted down the numbers from the monitors, “I’d smack you upside the head if the nurse wasn’t in here.”

“I know mom. I’m sorry,” Dean muttered bashfully.

“Don’t you dare apologize,” Mary cupped his cheek and lifted his head making him her eyes, “I just wish I had been more available so you could’ve come to me son.”

“It wouldn’t have mattered mom. I’m in a not so good place and you’re always there when I need you. I just couldn’t bring this to you,” Dean looked down as Hannah stuck the thermometer in his ear, “I felt…ashamed. You’ve done so much mommy.”

Mary’s face crumpled for a brief moment before she smiled down at Dean, “I love you Dean and you should never feel ashamed. I know words can’t change it but know I’m always here no matter what for you. You’ll be 80 and still my little boy,” she dropped her hand to his and stroked the back.

“Everything is looking good. I’ll be back with the doctor shortly.”

“Thank you Hannah.”

Dean began to weep and he wasn’t sure why. He searched his mind for an answer and there was none.

“Let it out,” Mary pulled away to get tissue then went back to his bedside.

“I’m so sorry mommy,” Dean shook as he bit back the loud sobs that threatened to break loose, “so sorry.”

“Shh,” Mary cradled him as best she could and wiped his tears.

They stayed that way until Dean was still again. Mary kissed his forehead and left his side when Castiel woke. She excused herself to go find coffee.

“Dean,” Castiel smiled warmly.

“Hey. Thanks for staying with my mom.”

“I may have paid a king’s ransom to make sure we could stay,” Castiel blushed.

“I was wondering how you guys managed to stay in the psych ward,” Dean smiled easily.

“There may be a new library in the kids’ wing next year.”

“Damn how rich are you dude?”

“Eh,” Castiel shrugged.

“Okay. I’ll let that slide. I’m sorry you had to see me like that,” Dean’s gaze flitted around the room.

“I know. I know this is difficult for you. I know that you thought that you were doing something good for you. I’m sorry I didn’t notice sooner. Some of the, um, scars are older,” Castiel glanced at his arm, “but I know I’ve seen you shirtless.”

“I don’t spend hundreds on high end concealer for it not to do its job. It’s like people who cover their tattoos. I just cover my scars,” Dena shrugged.

“Dean,” Castiel took his hand and looked at him with so much compassion, love, and yearning.

Twitch.

“Really?! Son of a bitch. I’m asexual dammit,” Dean sighed.

“Um I…know?” Castiel gave him a look.

“I think I found out what arouses me. It may be because of whatever meds they gave me, but I _see_ you,” Dean looked away and blushed.

“What?” Castiel’s eyes went wide and his grip tightened.

“Y-you _love_ me.”

“Yeah. You’ve known that forever,” Castiel narrowed his eyes and titled his head.

“No,” Dean frowned and shook his head, “like with capital letters. L-O-V-E. I’m not aroused by any extreme means but,” he cleared his throat, “there was interest.”

“Being asexual doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t get aroused.  There’s a lot of stops on the spectrum. Maybe you’re redefining what you knew of yourself.”

“Shut up smarty pants. This means I’m not broken,” Dean closed his eyes and left out a long exhale.

“You aren’t broken and you never were. Your mom told you that. You’re just different.”

“I could be normal,” Dean whispered and gripped Castiel’s fingers as best he could.

“I’m not dignifying that with a response.”

“Good afternoon Mr. Winchester,” the doctor turned to Castiel, “Mr. Winchester’s partner.”

“I’m not his--”

“You’re the doctor on call?” Dean looked to the new man in the room.

“Yes,” he eyed them, “just call me Cain please. I’m glad to see you’re awake. I am going to have to ask your partner to leave. I have to have a one on one talk before we can let everyone else in.”

Castiel gave Dean a soft smile and squeezed his fingers before he left.

“You did well giving the info to Hannah. I appreciate your openness with everything. I know this is a tough time for you. Being open with your emotions and thoughts will help us get you where you want to be,” Cain pulled up the chair Hannah had used.

“Yeah,” Dean nodded.

“Dr. Crowley sent his files over and I was able to review this morning as well. Dean, you need more help and legally I can’t release you until your psychiatrist signs off. I do want to be able to take these cuffs off. They’re awfully ugly and uncomfortable. To do so I’m going to have to ask some very serious questions. I need you to be as honest as you can with me. Is that okay?”

“Yeah. I knew this was coming. Hannah was just takin’ it easy on me. You’ll keep me here for a week or so then put me in an institution or in patient at another facility that specializes in your type of needs. This ain’t a permanent long term place.”

“You’ve been through this before?”

“Not exactly but I’ve read up on the procedures. My dad wanted me to be put away. He doesn’t know I know but I looked into it all,” Dean closed his eyes.

“Would you like to give me more on that?”

“You ain’t got the time,” Dean laughed darkly.

“Let’s start somewhere else then.”

Dean nodded. He wanted to get better.

>>>><<<< 

Dean smiled as Mary leaned against the impala. He jogged from the facilities front door to her. He spun her around and breathed in her sugar cookie and oat scent.  She giggled when Dean twirled her around.

Once she was back on her feet Mary placed a hand on Dean’s cheek and took him in. Her smile widened. Mary blinked back tears.

“You’re coming home baby,” Mary hugged him again.

“I am mom. And I feel good.”

“I think you need to say goodbye to your fan club,” Mary tipped her head to the front of the building.

A few ladies and a bear of a man stood and smiled proudly at Dean. When Dean turned they all waved and blew kisses his way.

“Bye guys. I’ll see ya at sessions,” Dean waved happily.

“Behave!”

“Never!” Dean laughed.

Mary felt her chest tighten with joy at the brightness of her eldest. She reached into her pocket and tossed Dean the keys.

“Take me home.”

“You’re going to let me drive?” Dean grinned.

“I didn’t spend three hours detailing her for my own health. Come on. There’s an hour drive and you can let her go while I pray,” Mary ducked into the car.

“Yes!” Dean slid across the hood and got in the driver’s seat.

“So who are your friends?” Mary asked as they headed home.

“Benny was the dude. He was in for an anger management problem. Dude is so gentle I think they must be crazy. The blonde was Nurse Ruby and the redhead was Abby. She was one of the counselors. They were very supportive and always there for me,” Dean smiled.

“Good. I didn’t remember any of their faces but their names a familiar. They kept me straight.”

“I’m proud of you baby,” Mary gave his leg a pat.

 

When they pulled up in front the house Dean smiled at the sight of the Tesla and minivan.

“Did they put my bags in the trunk?” Dean asked as he shut the engine off.

“You can get them later.”

“Okay.”

Dean made it half way up the walk before he had to turn around and got his bags. Mary nodded and grabbed the box.

“I made them wait here because I didn’t want to overwhelm you. Lawd I thought I was going to have to fight them all,” Mary sat the box inside the door once they entered.

“Can I shower real quick?”

“I made them stay out back until you were ready. You go shower and I’ll get everything setup. I’ll send Cas up with the box.”

Dean put the bags down and pulled his mom in again. He let the tears fall as he held her to him.

“Thanks,” he whispered, “for everything always.”

“You’re welcome,” she swallowed hard, “for everything always.”

They held each other for a moment then with one last squeeze she let him go.

Dean just took the time to wash with his own body wash then dried off and dressed. When he opened his door Castiel was outside the door with an orchid. Dean smiled. He took the plant and placed it on his desk.

Castiel took his hands and they stood there for a moment. He started to grin when Dean smiled. Castiel lifted one of Dean’s hand and kissed it.

“Come on boyfriend,” Dean tugged him down the hall.

When they entered the den Dean made a streamline for Anabella. He dropped to his knees and pressed his face to her belly.

“And how are the twins?”

“Dean,” Anabella warned.

“You’re right triplets. Are you guys doing well?”

Sam playfully swatted Dean away, “if she has multiples you’re moving in to take care of any extras.”

“Deal. How many more weeks until we know?” Dean sat across from them and took the glass of ginger ale from his mom.

“Three weeks at the most. We couldn’t get in any sooner so it’s going to be a month before we know. Then another three months before we know gender if we choose to know,” Anabella gave a toothy smile.

“You’ll be happy either way,” Castiel put his arm around Dean’s shoulders when he sat down.

“Can we say welcome back yet? I want cake,” John pouted.

“Dean?” Mary raised an eyebrow.

“Go on dad,” Dean chuckled.

“Welcome back Dean!” John stood and pulled Dean up into his arms.

“Thanks dad,” Dean relaxed into the hug.

“You know I love you?” John whispered.

“We talked about that all at session. I know. Now,” Dean let him go, “let’s get us some cake!”

 

Mary pulled up her phone and focused on the couple still out by the fire pit. It was the perfect picture with Dean relaxed in Castiel’s. Mary snapped a few then settled back in her chair.

“I did a good job,” she told herself.

**Author's Note:**

> This was a fic for a giveaway winner she doesn't have an ao3 that I know of so I couldn't tag her. This had taken a darker turn and I chose to go back and edit it b/c it hurt a bit to put Dean through some of things I had. This felt better for me. I hope you guys enjoyed it!


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